


On Dealing With Unwanted Emotional Attachment

by gacrux



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M, probably just a little while before johnny and kanda find him, set after allen leaves the order, short/drabblesque fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9282593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gacrux/pseuds/gacrux
Summary: Step one: you don't.





	

_Thank you, Allen Walker._

It fucking haunts him. The look on Kanda's face, his smile, his _softness_ , directed at Allen for as long as it was. He can't get it out of his head and it is, on a multitude of different levels, breathtakingly upsetting. He knows he's a sucker for affection - that's what people keep telling him, anyway - but _Kanda?_ Kanda Yu, the boy he's fought with, and argued with, and spat really horrible, venomous things at like it's all in the run of a day? That's whose face he can't get out of his head, that's whose sharp black eyes (but they were so kind, that day) he can't stop seeing, that's whose ghost of a smile won't allow him a decent nights sleep?

He doesn't understand himself. He's a little bit disgusted with himself, actually. Because it's Kanda, who probably gives him less thought than dog gives a flea. He went red in the face because Kanda deigned to thank him for throwing himself under the bus so hard for both him and Alma he thinks he can still feel the tire treads on his face. Just that _little_ bit of appreciation and he is gone to the world. It's incredible, really. Allen would be impressed if he wasn't the one internally combusting over casual gratitude from a guy that makes no bones about telling him how useless he is on a semi-daily basis.

So he turns his tricks and performs on the street and is secretly glad that clown makeup goes on so thick. He would hate for anyone to see how red his face is 24/7 over such a small, insignificant gesture of thanks. Hell, he knows it's meaningful and important and maybe Kanda's opinion of him has changed, but _still_. He's not – he doesn't – it's just, it's Kanda. 

He shouldn't be so stuck on that single, genuine expression of gratitude. 

And yet, here he is. Months later, one too many almost-awakenings and a couple half-arsed goodbyes later, he's still not over that _look_ , and he's starting to wonder. He's starting to fear. Allen Walker, alleged Destroyer of Time, can't shake off his own visceral aversion to _feeling_.


End file.
